


i'm not afraid to say (i love you in my way)

by wafflesofdoom



Series: love is not designed for the cynical [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Family Feels, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: eddie diaz had never been a betting man - but he had one last bet to win against his stupid beautiful boyfriend, buck.he was going to ask evan buckley to marry him, and he was going to do it before evan himself could ask. hence, the seven phase plan to sweep his boyfriend off his feet.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan 'Buck' Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: love is not designed for the cynical [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744054
Comments: 25
Kudos: 528





	i'm not afraid to say (i love you in my way)

**Author's Note:**

> you ask, i deliver - here's the proposal hinted at happening at the end of the first fic in the series. thanks for all the love & kind comments on that one!
> 
> fic title taken from 'in my way' by MUNA and series title taken from 'outnumbered' by dermot kennedy.

**phase one: the realisation**

Eddie couldn’t exactly pinpoint the exact moment he’d decided he wanted to marry Evan Buckley. Like everything with Evan had been, it had been a slow realisation – the same way Eddie had realised he had been in love with his best friend, and co-worker, slowly, and then all at once, the thought of marriage had settled in his subconscious for a while, and then, all of a sudden, it had hit him like a freight train.

He wanted to marry Buck.

The final realisation had hit one slow Sunday morning. It was one of their rare weekends off, and Christopher was – _thankfully_ – still sleeping, the clock ticking over to seven thirty. Chris never slept in this late, and Eddie blamed (or thanked, really) the busy Saturday they’d had, shopping and a museum trip, and Buck’s surprise tickets for the cinema completely wringing Chris out, Buck carrying their sleeping nine year old inside with ease, Eddie’s heart feeling as though it was going to burst out of his chest as he’d admired the way his boyfriend had gently tucked Christopher into bed.

Everything Buck did made Eddie’s heart feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest – he wasn’t sure his body was actually designed to contain this much love and affection, and when Buck and Chris teamed up, Eddie just felt constantly overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed in the best way.

Glancing around their bedroom – _their_ , Eddie liked the sound of that – Eddie drunk in all the things in the room that had made it **theirs** , and not just Eddie’s. Buck had moved into the house in July, and he’d had many opinions about how bare, and boring Eddie’s bedroom was, and one very stressful Ikea trip later, and Eddie’s – _their_ – bedroom had been unrecognisable.

Turns out, Buck had a thing for decorative pillows.

Those decorative pillows ended up getting flung to the floor every night, but Eddie didn’t mind – not when he got to have Evan here, like this, passed out on his stomach and snoring softly into his pillow. Eddie hadn’t realised it was possibly to fall even more in love with Buck until he’d moved in, and everything that came with the daily domesticity of their life had made Eddie feel like a giddy teenager – Buck’s toothbrush next to his on the sink, Buck’s shampoo in the shower caddy, the wardrobe filled with LAFD issued clothing that was branded with Buckley and Diaz, and shared between them without a care in the world.

Eddie propped himself up against the headboard, watching the steady movement of Buck’s body. Buck was a deep sleeper – Eddie hadn’t realised that, before they’d lived together. At work, Buck was always the first person out of bed when the alarm would sound, rousing them all from fitful sleep, and all those times Eddie had stayed over at Buck’s old loft, Buck had been the first of the two of them to get out of bed in the mornings (though, Eddie had blamed the complete lack of blinds in the apartment for those early wake-up calls.)

But since he’d moved in with Eddie and Chris, Eddie had realised his boyfriend slept like a log.

He didn’t mind.

It gave him moments like this, sunlight streaming through the cracks in the blinds they had been too tired to close properly, the room filled with warm, golden light. It was getting closer to the end of fall, now, and Eddie knew darker mornings were on their way, so he decided to forgive himself a few more minutes of staring.

Buck just looked so good in this light, the smattering of freckles across the pale skin of his back looking positively delicious, the tiny scar on his shoulder blade Eddie knew was the result of a bad call faded and silver, hardly noticeable – unless you were intimately aware of every inch of Evan Buckley’s body, which he was.

Eddie wasn’t sure what the trigger had been, honestly – but as he watched Evan sleep, the thought overwhelmed him, and Eddie couldn’t shake it.

He wanted to marry Evan Buckley.

It’s not as though they hadn’t talked about marriage – about Eddie’s first marriage, and all the ways it had gone wrong; about Evan’s apprehension to the whole institution, which was fair, given that his impressions of marriage had come mostly from Maddie, and Doug, and his parents, who he described as two people who should never have gotten married to anyone.

They’d talked about it, the good and the bad of it, and they’d talked about it in the abstract, and they’d talked about it more seriously, one evening, Buck’s face pressed to Eddie’s stomach as they watched a rerun of Law and Order, his voice quiet as he admitted he’d like to marry Eddie, one day.

And they’d joked about it, Eddie sitting on the kitchen counter and stealing pieces of vegetables as Buck had cooked dinner, Buck flashing him a familiar million dollar grin as he spoke, betting Eddie that he would be the one to propose first.

Maybe.

Maybe he would have, if that Sunday morning hadn’t happened.

But it had.

And so Eddie was going to ask Evan Buckley to spend the rest of his life with him.

**phase two: the ring**

Eddie figured the next thing he needed was the ring. He – he had a lot of planning to do, sure, but the ring seemed like the best place to start. Eddie had never – _obviously_ – proposed to another man before, and he didn’t really know if there was etiquette around proposing and rings and do you have two rings or do you propose with what becomes a wedding band, or –

Shaking his head, Eddie swallowed his nervous rambles and started to browse the ring selection.

“Can I help?”

Eddie looked up to see the cashier looking at him, a warm smile on her face. “I…. Yeah,” he decided. “I’m proposing to my boyfriend.”

The cashier nodded. “And you need a ring?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “I just – I don’t really know where to start, if I’m honest,” he said, itching to touch the glass in front of him.

“Tell me about him – your boyfriend,” the cashier suggested. “It’ll help me find some ring ideas for you. What does he do for work?”

“He’s a firefighter,” Eddie replied. “So am I, and I – I know we’ll end up wearing silicone rings most of the time because of that, but I want a proper one,” he said, thinking of Buck. “It’s not my first marriage,” he admitted. “But it’s his, and I want it to be special.”

“A dangerous job you’ve both got,” the cashier hummed, listening intently. “What’s his name?”

“Evan,” Eddie said, unable to stop the soft smile that appeared on his face as he said Buck’s name aloud. “He’s probably the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “He always thinks about himself last, which is amazing of him, but it’s infuriating, half the time,” he said, smiling to himself. “I think – I think something simple, is probably best. He’s not a flashy guy, and if he’s not working, he’s deciding to take up some new ridiculous hobby that involves power tools, or gardening.”

The cashier smiled, pulling out a couple of rings. “You really love him,” she said, her words more of a statement than they were fact.

“I do.”

“Given your jobs, and the kind of person your boyfriend sounds like he is, I’d recommend something sturdy, and simple,” the cashier said, spreading a couple of rings out between the two of them. “Is he a gold or a silver guy?” she asked.

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh. “He wears a plastic watch,” he admitted, thinking of the cheap plastic watch Buck always wore, claiming he didn’t see the point in spending money on an expensive watch if he was barely going to be able to wear it, anyway – (Eddie wanted to buy Buck a proper watch, for his thirtieth birthday next year, stomach still twisting when he remembered the conversation they’d had about twenty first birthdays and how Buck’s parents hadn’t bought into the tradition of giving your son a watch, then – or giving their son a birthday present, _ever_.)

“How about you?” the cashier asked. “Do you want to match your rings?”

Eddie hadn’t really thought about it, if he was being honest. “I…” he trailed off, thinking of the titanium ring he had worn during the years he’d been married to Shannon, the ring that he’d put in a box of Shannon’s things, keeping them for Christopher to have when he was older. “What’s this one?” he asked, toying with a ring that caught his eye.

“That’s a platinum ring,” she said, holding it out for Eddie to take. “It’s much more durable than silver, or gold,” she said. “If you’ve got a hands-on kind of life, its probably a good bet.”

Eddie nodded, setting the ring down, half listening to the cashier as she explained the different sizes, shapes and materials of the wedding bands on the glass in front of them – and then he spotted it, the perfect ring.

It was almost square looking, the same platinum as the first ring Eddie had picked up was.

“Good choice,” the cashier smiled. “It’s an easy ring to engrave, if that’s the sort of thing you’re into,” she nudged, and Eddie’s mind started to think a mile a minute; did he want to engrave the ring? Did he have something worth engraving on it? Would Buck think an engraved ring was just unbearably cheesy?

“You can always engrave it after he says yes,” the cashier suggested with a smile.

Eddie nodded, his panic calming slightly.

“Do you know his ring size?”

Ah.

See, that had been a problem. Eddie had wracked his brains, trying to figure out if he could measure the size of Buck’s ring finger without arousing suspicion, but it really hadn’t been possible – anything he came up with would give the game away.

“No,” Eddie admitted, looking down at his own hands. “He’s probably a size bigger than mine – maybe two.”

The cashier nodded, reaching for a measure. “Let’s have a look then,” she said, fingers cold against Eddie’s hand as she measured his ring size. “I’ll get you one two sizes up,” she said. “It’s easier to resize it to be smaller, than bigger,” she said.

Eddie nodded.

“Do you want a second ring?”

A part of Eddie wanted to say yes – to buy two rings and be able to have them both wear them from the moment Buck (hopefully) says yes; but another part of him was focused on how this was the first – and last, if Eddie had anything to do with it – time Buck would get married, and how Buck would probably love to have this moment himself, Eddie tucked under an arm as he picked out a ring for his boyfriend to wear for the rest of their lives together.

“No,” Eddie shook his head, smiling softly. “I think he’s probably like to pick out one for me himself.”

**phase three: the sister**

Eddie was a traditional guy. Buck would make fun of him for it, and Eddie would never admit it out loud, mostly because it would give Evan even more material to tease him with, but he was a traditional guy – he couldn’t help it.

Eddie liked to think he was the best kind of traditional. He was an openly bisexual firefighter, from Texas, a veteran, the son of immigrants, and Eddie liked to think he married all those parts of his identity together to create something good.

The point was, he was a traditional guy.

And he wanted to ask Maddie – not for her permission, per say, because that was too traditional, even for him – but her blessing to marry Evan.

The hardest part was getting Maddie on her own without arousing any suspicion – and Eddie had never been more grateful his boyfriend’s sister was heavily, extremely pregnant, and had just been put on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy.

“I come bearing gifts,” Eddie grinned, holding out the box of donuts to an exhausted looking Maddie.

“Oh, you are wonderful,” Maddie beamed, taking the donuts from him. “Is Buck not with you?” she asked. It was a fair question, really – it was rare for Eddie to call around to Maddie and Chimney’s place without his boyfriend in tow.

“Buck’s working,” Eddie admitted, stepping inside the apartment, the home warm, and inviting – just like it always was. Eddie was convinced Maddie used some sort of ‘fresh baking’ air freshener, because her and Chim’s place always smelled like cookies and sugar.

Maddie raised an eyebrow. “So is Howie, if he’s who you’re looking for,” she said, offering Eddie a coffee.

Eddie shook his head. “It’s you, I was looking for actually,” he admitted, gratefully accepting the coffee Maddie offered him. They’d had an early start to the morning – Chris throwing a bit of an unexpected tantrum before school that morning, a stern FaceTime call with Buck the only thing encouraging their petulant nine year old to go to school.

Buck was getting better at being the bad guy, and not just the cool dad.

“You were looking for me?” Maddie wasn’t stupid – she was clearly catching on to why Eddie was at her door, without her brother, at nine in the morning on a Wednesday.

“Yup,” Eddie confirmed, nervously patting his jacket pocket. “I’m going to ask Evan to marry me,” he blurted out, waiting for Maddie’s reaction.

He hadn’t been expecting her to start sobbing.

“Maddie, oh God – Maddie,” Eddie wasn’t sure what to do, awkwardly hovering by his ( _potential_ ) future sister in law. “I’m sorry!”

“Why are you sorry?” Maddie demanded, half-heartedly slapping Eddie in the chest.

“Ow,” Eddie mumbled. “Well, you’re _crying_.”

“I’m crying because of the cocktail of hormones that control my body right now,” Maddie rolled her eyes, waddling toward the couch and gesturing for Eddie to follow her. “And because Howie’s demon spawn now spends twenty two hours a day standing on my bladder,” she sighed heavily, melting into the couch.

“I thought you were upset I was planning to propose to Evan,” Eddie admitted, sitting down next to her. He’d missed all this with Shannon – the tiredness, the hormones. Eddie had barely gotten back in time for Christopher to be born – he hadn’t been by his wife’s side when she’d gone through all of this.

Shaking the thought out of his head, Eddie looked intently at Maddie.

“Eddie,” Maddie huffed, deftly removing the tape from the box of donuts she was precariously balancing on her stomach. It was actually quite impressive to watch. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my little brother,” she said, pausing to take a bite of the donut – raspberry jelly, her favourite, Eddie had remembered. “I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you. All – all I’ve ever wanted is to see him happy, you know?”

Eddie nodded.

“He didn’t have the best start in life,” Maddie said, comfortable saying that to Eddie now – Eddie didn’t pry into the kind of conversations Buck had with his sister, but it didn’t take a genius to know that the two of them talked about their childhood, their parents. Buck’s monthly therapy sessions were scheduled to pick apart those exact issues, after all. “He had it worse than I even did. Evan – he won’t ever admit that, but I knew. I knew, and I still left him.”

“Maddie,” Eddie said gently, brushing a hand against her arm. He didn’t want her getting worked up – not when he was acutely aware Evan would murder him for letting his sister talk so disparagingly about the role Maddie had played in his life. “He doesn’t blame you. I don’t need to sit here and tell you that.”

“I know,” Maddie sniffed. “But you’re a parent, Eddie – I’m about to be one. Sometimes I just sit here, and I can’t understand why our parents treated him the way they did. God, he was the cutest kid, Eddie.”

Eddie smiled, thinking of the family photos Maddie had produced at a dinner a few weeks back – carefully chosen family photos of just Buck, and Maddie. Buck had been an angelic looking kid, bright blue eyes and a shock of blond curls, beaming gap-toothedly at the camera in Maddie’s arms.

“Anyway, the point I’m trying to make,” Maddie continued, Eddie barely holding in a laugh at the sight of Maddie, the ever composed and glamorous Maddie, sitting on her couch, face covered in icing sugar. “Is that I’ve never seen Evan as happy, and as settled as he is with you. Why wouldn’t I want that for him?”

Eddie gave her a grateful smile.

“Plus, you have just gained some serious brother-in-law brownie points for talking to me about it first,” Maddie beamed.

“I wanted – I wanted to get your blessing, I guess,” Eddie shrugged, leaning back against the couch. “Evan makes fun of me for it, but I like tradition – and you’re his family, so I wanted to get your blessing before I asked.”

Maddie sniffed again. “Don’t you dare make me cry again Eddie Diaz,” she huffed, wiping at her face, only managing to move the sugar around more. Eddie’s dad side itched to reach out and wipe it away, but Maddie was older than him – and a grown woman. It would be massively, _massively_ weird.

“Sorry,” Eddie smiled, not sorry at all. “Do you want to see the ring?”

Eddie wasn’t sure how the box of donuts didn’t end up on the ceiling with how fast Maddie moved, hurriedly wiping her sticky hands on a nearby napkin. He laughed at her eager expression, reaching for the ring box he’d taken to carrying around. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he teased, easing open the navy blue box.

“Oh, Eddie,” Maddie held her hand to her heart, tears welling in her eyes. “It’s beautiful. God – I can’t imagine how it’s going to feel to see my brother wearing a wedding ring,” she said, hesitant to touch the ring.

“Me neither,” Eddie admitted, his heart fluttering in his chest at the mere thought of Evan Buckley walking around, wearing a ring, Eddie’s ring, on his finger, proudly showing off to the rest of the world that he was a married man. “Do you think he’ll say yes?” he found himself asking, his nerves bubbling to the surface.

Maddie widened her eyes almost comically. “Eddie Diaz!” she thumped him again. “My brother would follow you to the ends of the earth and back without you ever needing to ask. Of course he’s going to say yes!”

Eddie shook his head, laughing. “Yeah,” he breathed, certainty settling right into his bones. “He will, right?”

“He will,” Maddie confirmed, beaming excitedly. “Now – how are you going to propose?”

Eddie grinned. “ _Well_.”

**phase four: the father**

Eddie knew he should just knock on the door. It was Bobby and Athena’s place, for crying out loud – he should just knock, and say hello. He was here easily once a week anyway, it’s not as though he was an unwelcome visitor.

 _Unexpected_ , maybe.

Pushing on the doorbell, it only took a couple of seconds for Athena to open the door, Bobby’s wife greeting him with a familiar smile. “I suppose you’re here for my husband,” she said, gesturing for Eddie to step inside.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you,” Eddie replied sweetly, Athena accepting the kiss on the cheek he offered.

“Charmer,” Athena rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “He’s in the kitchen.”

“Thanks Athena,” Eddie said, grateful. He descended the steps into the Grant-Nash household, the muted sound of jazz music drifting from the kitchen. “Hi, Bobby,” he greeted, his boss turning around and greeting Eddie with a bright smile.

Eddie isn’t sure exactly when Bobby stopped being just his boss. Eddie was a military veteran, okay – he knew what it was to have your co-workers become your family – but the 118 was something special, and he knew enough to know that there was loss and pain motivating Bobby to be more than just a captain to them all.

Which was why he was here.

“This is a surprise,” Bobby noted, turning the heat down on whatever he was cooking. “Do you want to stay for dinner? It won’t be long,” he gestured vaguely.

“I’d love to, but Buck thinks I’ve just gone to get groceries,” Eddie admitted with a sly grin. “I don’t really have long.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, but gestured for Bobby to take a seat, all the same. “What’s up?” he asked, genuine concern etched into every inch of his face.

“I – you know Buck considers you a father, right?” Eddie blurted out, trying to gauge Bobby’s reaction. Evan had admitted it, one evening, long before there was ever romance in their relationship – Evan’s own father had been a waste of oxygen (Eddie’s words, not Buck’s) and Bobby, Bobby had given him the fatherly love and support and guidance Evan had craved and needed.

It was obvious, to anyone who knew them, but especially to Eddie. Eddie knew just how much Buck valued Bobby’s love, his opinions – and that was what made what he’d come to ask all the more important.

“Is Buck okay?” Bobby was immediately worried.

“He’s fine,” Eddie reassured. “Really, he is. I just – I’m going to ask him to marry me, Bobby.”

Bobby’s face practically lit up. “Oh, that’s great, Eddie.”

“It’s why I’m here,” Eddie admitted, checking his pocket to make sure the ring was still there. “You’re his father, Bobby. So, I wanted to ask for your blessing.”

Bobby looked as though he’d forgotten _every_ word, in _every_ language the older man had ever spoken in his life, opening and closing his mouth in a manner that would, quite frankly, be hilarious if Eddie’s nerves weren’t torn to shreds waiting for Bobby’s response.

“Athena?” Eddie called hesitantly. “I think I broke your husband.”

This, at least, caused Bobby to snort out a laugh.

Athena appeared, a knowing smile on her face. “Well, what did you expect?” she teased, giving Eddie’s shoulder a squeeze. “You’re asking the man for his son’s hand in marriage.”

Bobby’s eyes were shining with tears as Eddies, and now Athena’s, words sank in. “You’re really asking for my blessing?”

Eddie nodded. “Who else would I ask?”

Rather than reply, Bobby lurched across the table and pulled Eddie into what could only be described as a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you,” he choked out, holding Eddie tightly.

“Is that a yes?” Eddie couldn’t help but ask.

Bobby laughed, Athena gazing at her husband adoringly as he sat back in his chair. “Of course it’s a yes, Eddie,” he said. “I just – thank you for asking.”

Eddie couldn’t comprehend what it meant to Bobby – really, he couldn’t – but he knew he had done the right thing. “Do you want to see the ring?”

Athena gave him a pointed look. “Eddie Diaz, what kind of question is that? Of course we want to see the ring! Hand it over.”

**phase five: the plan**

Eddie couldn’t help but lean in to Hen, now Buck was sufficiently distracted. “Want to help me win one last bet?” he inquired, Hen looking intrigued by his words.

“I thought bets were off-limits?”

Eddie smirked, glancing over to where Buck was standing. “This one is between me and Buck,” he admitted. “He bet me that he’d be the one to propose first.”

“And you don’t like his odds?” Hen was grinning now.

Eddie couldn’t help but match her grin, unable to keep all the happiness he felt inside of his body – not anymore, not now he lived with Buck, not now his life was so damned perfect. It was the kind of happiness that was made to be shared. He looked over to the kitchen where Buck was helping Bobby with dinner, his boyfriend engrossed in whatever Bobby was explaining to him. “Not when I have a ring in my pocket and a plan.”

Managing to get Hen alone, without arousing too much suspicion, had taken almost the rest of their shift. It was only an hour until the relief shift would arrive, and he and Hen were restocking the ambulance.

“So,” Hen grinned, Buck upstairs and chained to the kitchen table at Bobby’s demand, their captain having discovered Buck hadn’t done any of his paperwork in almost a month – that was going to keep Buck out of their way for enough time.

“So,” Eddie echoed, his own smile bright.

“What’s the plan?” Hen asked, looking genuinely delighted as she counted gauze. They probably looked deranged to the rest of their team – no one was ever particularly excited to be on restock duty, but Eddie had jumped at it, Hen not far behind. “You do have a plan, right?”

“I do,” Eddie reassured. “I’m going to do it here.”

Hen raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to ask the love of your life to marry you at our place of _work_?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “It’s not just a place of work, Hen,” he retorted. “Anyway, there’s a place.”

“A _place_?”

“Yes, a **place** , Hen.”

“You cannot propose in a closet where you two had a quickie during a shift.”

“We don’t do that,” Eddie lied. “And it’s not a closet, that would be ridiculous. It’s the roof.”

Hen looked confused. “The roof?”

“Yes.”

“Do I get more than that?” Hen prodded, chucking gaze at Eddie’s head.

Eddie wasn’t sure.

He and Buck – they’d never told the team exactly how they’d gotten together. It had started as a joke, in the aftermath of the bet, the two of them teasing that none of their friends would ever know who had actually won the bet (though the money had long since been donated to the Cerebral Palsy Foundation).

The joke had just gone on for long enough that people had stopped asking.

“It’s where we had our first kiss,” Eddie said, giving the most information he ever had on that night to anyone who wasn’t Buck. It had been after a particularly rough shift, and they’d all felt pretty terrible. A firefighter from the 123 had been injured at a call, and those incidents always felt too close to home to be comfortable, none of them able to shake the feeling of dread as they’d stepped in to relieve the 123 and put the rest of the fire out.

Eddie had found Buck on the roof. Buck had admitted once, during a particularly bad day, that he liked to go there to think sometimes, the roof giving a decent view of Los Angeles and the space he needed to think.

Eddie still wasn’t exactly certain as to how that one call had changed everything for him, but between watching Romero get taken away in an ambulance and poking through the wreckage for survivors with Buck, Eddie had decided it was high time to throw caution to the wind.

They worked a dangerous job, and Eddie wasn’t going to spend one more minute pretending he didn’t want Evan Buckley. Life – life was too short, and as first responders, they knew that better than most. Eddie had seen people who’d just been driving – to school, or work, or the goddamned grocery store – have their lives snuffed out in a second because of one mistake.

He didn’t want to live with the regret.

So, he’d kissed Buck breathless on the roof as the sun had set over Los Angeles, and it had kind of been the best moment of his entire life.

Hen was smiling softly at him when Eddie returned to planet Earth. “That’s sweet,” she said, not pushing for more. “So I get the roof, now – but why do you need me?”

Eddie nodded, handing over another box of gauze. “ _Well_.”

**phase six: the son**

Everything was ready. The plan was perfected, and Eddie had managed to get Bobby to give he and Buck the same Saturday off in a few days’ time, and Eddie was ready – he was really, really ready. He’d probably been ready for a long time, but now everything was in order, Eddie was definitely ready.

He just had one last person to ask for their blessing.

Buck always spent Wednesday evenings with Maddie – it was their tradition, when neither of them was working, and Eddie knew how much the evenings meant. Buck being out of the house also gave Eddie the perfect chance to speak to Christopher.

Eddie was acutely aware that he hadn’t always been the best dad. It didn’t matter what anyone else said, how anyone else tried to reassure him – Christopher had started life out with a shitty, absent father, and Eddie had spent all the time since trying to make up for those years where he’d stayed in Afghanistan, terrified of what it meant to have a child with a disability.

He was too ashamed to admit that one out loud – even to Buck. Nine years of parenthood had taught Eddie that Christopher’s disability was as much a part of him as his hair colour was, that it was nothing to be afraid of – but life had to teach him that one.

Life had taught him a lot.

Christopher had taught him a lot. Eddie loved that kid more than he was ever going to be able to find the words for, and he couldn’t help but smile as he watched from the doorway of Christopher’s room, his son giving him an expectant look.

“You brush your teeth?” Eddie inquired, Christopher beaming up at him in response. “Woah, those are some pearly whites, buddy, I’m proud.”

Christopher grinned. “Thanks, dad,” he huffed, pushing at his glasses. “Can we read a story now?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something first,” Eddie said, sitting down on the edge of Christopher’s bed. “You like having Buck around, right?”

Christopher nodded enthusiastically, enough to have his glasses slipping down his nose again. Making a mental note that Christopher clearly needed a trip to the opticians, Eddie smiled. Christopher loves Buck so much, it made Eddie’s heart want to burst out of his chest sometimes.

“I love Buck, dad,” Christopher said sweetly.

“Me too,” Eddie hummed, running a hand through Christopher’s hair. “How would you feel if I asked Buck to stay forever?”

Christopher’s eyes lit up. “Forever?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “Would you be happy if I asked Buck to marry me?”

Christopher’s nose scrunched up adorably. “I don’t really know what that means,” he admitted quietly.

“Well,” Eddie began, wondering how you could explain marriage to a nine year old. “It’d mean Buck would be my husband, and that we’d both have rings we wear.”

“That’s all?”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Eddie admitted. “But the main thing is that we’d be a family – like we are now. But – it would mean that Buck would officially be your step-dad. Like how Bobby is May and Harry’s step-dad.”

Christopher nodded, understanding better now. “That sounds nice,” he said. “Would it make you happy?”

Eddie wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh, or cry. “It would make me so happy if I married Buck, Chris,” he confirmed.

Christopher beamed. “Okay then!”

Eddie wasn’t sure what he had done in a past life to deserve such a gorgeously kind, clever kid, but he thanked whatever past version of himself had been a saint, because that was the only reason he could ever deserve to have a kid like Christopher.

It was more complicated than a simple okay – Eddie knew that much. Christopher was growing up – too quickly, for his liking – and as he got older, he was going to have questions, about his mom, about Eddie and Shannon’s marriage, about all the things that led them both to Buck, in the end, but Eddie would be ready to answer those, one day.

For now, a sweet ‘okay then’ from his incredible son was enough.

“You can’t tell Buck yet,” Eddie said. “I have to ask him first, and I have a really special plan for that. Do you think you can keep this a secret for me? I know I always tell you secrets aren’t a good thing, but this is a happy secret, buddy – it’s okay to keep a happy secret.”

Christopher nodded firmly, mimicking zipping his mouth shut. “Your secret is safe with me, dad,” he grinned.

Eddie pressed a kiss to his son’s freshly washed hair, breathing deeply. One day, Christopher would be too old to let Eddie do this – to let his boring old dad breathe in the scent of the strawberry shampoo Chris had eagerly picked out the previous week in CVS – and so Eddie savoured every moment he could when Christopher was this small.

Swinging around so he was sitting against Christopher’s headboard, Eddie tugged his son in close, reaching for the book they’d been reading. Christopher was so small and warm against his side, his son knotting his fingers in the material of Eddie’s t-shirt as he listened intently to the chapter Eddie was reading aloud.

By time Eddie had reached the end of the chapter, Christopher was sound asleep, and gently, Eddie tugged his glasses off, setting them down on Christopher’s bedside table. When Shannon had first left, and it was just the two of them, Eddie developed the bad habit of crawling into his son’s bed when he got home from work and staying there long after he’d finished reading Chris a story.

His parents had argued with him about it, telling him that a child needed to learn to sleep alone, that Christopher was too big to be co-sleeping with his dad, but Eddie hadn’t cared then, and he didn’t care now.

Pulling Christopher onto his chest, Eddie held the little boy close.

“We’re going to be so happy, Chris, I promise,” Eddie hummed into his hair, counting Christopher’s slow and easy breaths, the same way he used to when Christopher was tiny, and vulnerable, and Eddie had been constantly afraid something might happen to him. Eddie had made Chris the same promise a dozen times over, mostly when the little boy in question was asleep, and he’d never been more sure of the truth of it than he was, there and then.

They were going to be really happy.

Buck made them really happy.

**phase seven: the proposal**

“I cannot believe you’re dragging me to work on my Saturday night off,” Buck grumbled, tagging along behind Eddie like a petulant child as they walked into the firehouse.

“Buck,” Eddie reassured, swallowing his grin as he realised everything was going according to plan – the trucks were out, and the fire station was empty, save for Diego, who was acting as man behind for that shift and waved enthusiastically as they walked past, heading for the locker room. “I’m just here to get my wallet.”

“I told you I’d pay for dinner!” Buck protested. Since they had a rare Saturday night, Eddie had suggested they go for a nice dinner – Chris would be with his abuela for the evening, they’d go out to that fancy Thai place Buck had been wanting to try and have an evening for themselves for the first time in a while.

Or so Buck thought.

“The station is on the way to the restaurant,” Eddie reminded. “And I need my wallet, Evan, it’s got my licence in it.”

Buck huffed. “We could have paid for dinner with the joint account.”

“The joint savings account we have for bills and a deposit for a house?” Eddie countered, unlocking his locker, his wallet sitting right on top of his uniform – exactly as planned.

“Why are you so boring?”

“One of us has to be,” Eddie said, pressing a sweet kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth. “You know – there’s no one here.”

Buck raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying what you think you’re saying?”

Eddie wasn’t boring. He would defend himself to the ends of the earth on that one – he was not a boring guy. He just didn’t enjoy having quickies with his boyfriend in their place of work – not when the alarm could go off any minute, and they would both have to emerge, red-faced, from the showers and face the team and Bobby’s wrath.

Once was enough for that to happen in one lifetime, Eddie decided.

“I’m saying,” Eddie reached for Buck’s hand, tangling their fingers together loosely. “We haven’t been up to the roof, in a while.”

Buck’s smile was absolutely endearing. “I always knew you were a closet romantic, Diaz,” he grinned, following Eddie up the stairs.

“Don’t call me Diaz,” Eddie corrected automatically. “And hey – we’ve been together for a while, now. Why not celebrate where it all started?”

“When you kissed the actual breath out of me?” Buck hummed.

“What can I say?” Eddie grinned, turning around for a second so he could plant a sloppy kiss on Buck’s lips. “I’m a great kisser.”

“You are,” Buck agreed, pausing as Eddie tried to tug him toward the stairs. “Eddie, we’ll be late for dinner.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t be boring,” he said, childishly repeating Buck’s earlier words. “The restaurant is fifteen minutes away, even with traffic,” he said, knowing he was definitely going to have to actually take Buck there soon, considering he’d never actually made a reservation for that evening. Buck was a man on a mission when it came to good Thai food.

Buck relented, and let Eddie tug him out of the fire escape, and up the stairs to the roof. The roof of 118 was pretty amazing, if Eddie was being completely honest. It was angled just right, always catching the late evening sun, the perfect vantage point to watch the sunset from.

The perfect place to propose.

“I love it up here,” Buck hummed, closing his eyes and letting the warm, late evening sun wash over him. Eddie gave himself a second to admire his boyfriend before he hooked an arm around his waist, tugging him to the edge so they could lean against the wall.

“I love you,” Eddie said sincerely, keeping a tight hold of Buck’s waist.

“I love you,” Buck echoed, cupping Eddie’s face in his hands so he could kiss him properly, the embrace long, and lingering, the kind of kiss Eddie felt right down to his toes. Eddie let his stupidly gorgeous boyfriend kiss him for a few more minutes before he pulled back, studying Buck’s face carefully.

This man was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Buck asked, voice soft.

“I was just thinking that meeting you was the greatest stroke of luck I’m ever going to get in my life,” Eddie admitted, still holding tightly to Buck’s waist. “I never thought I’d deserve this – you, this life, the kind of love we have.”

“Why?” Buck prodded, always prodding – always prodding in a way that made Eddie want to answer.

“Because,” Eddie said simply. “I’ve done nothing in my life to deserve it.”

“You deserve it,” Buck said firmly. “We both do, Eds.”

“I know,” Eddie confirmed, squeezing Buck’s hips. “I just need you to remind me of that, sometimes.”

“I can do that,” Buck murmured, brushing his lips against Eddie’s softly.

“I – when I first moved to LA, I could never have imagined how it would change my life so completely,” Eddie admitted, pulling back just enough, wanting to look at Evan properly while he said this. “Everything has been so unexpected, and brilliant – but you, Evan, you have changed my life in ways I don’t think I’ll ever have words for.”

Buck’s cheeks were flushed pink. “I know,” he said, voice quiet. “Neither do I.”

Eddie smiled. “But I’m going to try,” he said, stepping out of Buck’s grip, and rooting in his pocket for the ring he’d been carrying around for weeks, now. Eddie was going to do this once, with Buck, and he was going to do it right – tradition and all – and so he got down on one knee, enjoying the way Buck seemed to descend into full meltdown mode.

“Is this actually happening – “

“Ssh, and let me do this,” Eddie hushed, Buck ceasing his rambling immediately. “I had a speech prepared.”

Buck mimed zipping his mouth shut, an action all too similar to the one Christopher had done a couple of nights ago.

“You’re the love of my life, Evan Buckley – my partner in everything, and I don’t ever want to imagine a life without you by my side, because you have always made my life infinitely better from the moment I met you,” Eddie said, easing open the ring box. “Will you marry me, Evan?”

Eddie had been hoping for a yes – he wouldn’t go as far as to say he was expecting one, because Eddie was a superstitious guy at heart, and he wasn’t going to jinx himself. What he hadn’t been expecting, however, is Buck to literally football tackle him to the ground and kiss Eddie like he was a dying man and the only thing that was going to save him was Eddie’s mouth.

“Is that – is that a yes, Evan?”

Buck pulled back, looking absolutely indignant. “Of course it’s a yes, you idiot,” he said, kissing Eddie breathless again before Eddie could reply.

“Are you – “ Eddie laughed, trying to move away from Buck’s wandering mouth and hands, the concrete of the roof warm under his back. “Are you going to let me put this ring on you?” he demanded, waving the box in Buck’s face.

Buck laughed, the sound deliciously carefree, the only thing Eddie could focus on, LA traffic and noise bedamned. “Sorry,” he choked out, his smile practically splitting his face in two. “I got excited.”

Eddie laughed, pressing a kiss to Buck’s cheek. “I figured,” he said, the two of them shifting so they were at least sitting on the roof, not lying on it. “I don’t know if it’s the right size,” he said, apologetic. “I didn’t know how to get your ring size without making it painfully obvious.”

Buck shook his head. “Doesn’t matter,” he mumbled, eying the navy box.

Eddie eased it open again, the box having snapped shut during Buck’s football tackle, easing the now familiar ring out of the soft blue velvet interior of the box. He couldn’t quite believe he was going to get to see the ring on Buck’s finger for the rest of their lives. “If you don’t like it, we can change it,” he said, easing the ring over Buck’s knuckles.

It was a little big, Eddie noted.

“It’s perfect, Eds,” Buck said, looking almost fascinated as he twisted the ring around his finger, as though he couldn’t quite believe he was wearing an engagement ring of his own.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded, frowning slightly. “It’s a little big, though – I don’t want to lose it.”

“That’s okay,” Eddie reassured, pressing a kiss to the palm of Buck’s hand, his lips grazing the cold platinum. “I figured it might be, so I made us an appointment with the jewellers for tomorrow. I – I thought maybe you’d like to pick a ring out for me,” he admitted, not sure why that, of all things, made him nervous.

He hadn’t felt nervous doing the actual proposing.

Buck beamed. “I would love that,” he said, cupping Eddie’s face in his hands so he could kiss him again, the contact of the cold metal of his ring against Eddie’s cheek sending a shiver down Eddie’s spine. The newness of the ring was overwhelming, but a part of Eddie looked forward to the days where the ring was so well loved, and well worn, that he didn’t even remember it was there anymore when Buck kissed him like this, Eddie helpless to do anything except long for the days where a flash of a well loved wedding ring reminded him of the life he’d so happily built with the gorgeous man who was kissing him senseless on the roof of the fire house.

“I love you,” Eddie wasn’t able to say anything else, holding onto the material of Buck’s shirt tightly.

“I love you more,” Buck said cheekily, the words a running joke between them now, one of the two of them always tacking on a ‘more’ to their ‘I love you’s’, as though their love had ever been anything but equal. “Eddie, we’re getting married!”

“Yeah,” Eddie said warmly. “Yeah, Evan, we are.”

Eddie let Buck kiss him senseless for another few minutes before he encouraged his boyfriend – his fiancé, Buck was his fiancé now – up off the concrete floor. “Come on,” he murmured against Buck’s reluctant lips. “I’ve got one more surprise for you.”

“I don’t think anything could make this day better,” Buck declared dramatically, but let Eddie take his hand, tugging him down the stairs.

Eddie knew his fiancé was about to eat his words.

“ ** _SURPRISE_**!”

Eddie couldn’t help but grin as he felt Buck jump about a foot in the air, the kitchen of the fire house filled to the brim with their friends, and family. See, this had been why he had needed Hen – somehow, in the twenty minutes they’d been upstairs, she’d run a military operation, balloons covering every surface of the kitchen and living room, a congratulations banner hanging a little off centre above the TV.

“Eddie,” Buck’s tone was one of wonder. “You did all this?”

Eddie nodded. “Who better to celebrate with than all the people we love?” he murmured, giving Buck’s hand a tight squeeze.

Buck simply kissed Eddie in response, pouring all the feelings he didn’t have words for into the embrace – Eddie knew he was doing that, because that was what Eddie did, never having the right words when it came to Buck.

“Put him down, Buckley! Or is it going to be Diaz? Diaz-Buckley?” Hen teased, slinging an arm around Eddie.

“We’ve been engaged for literally ten minutes,” Eddie countered, rolling his eyes good-naturedly as Hen passed him a beer, Buck getting the life squeezed out of him by his very pregnant sister, who was demanding to see the ring, as if she hadn’t spent a full fifteen minutes pouring over it on the day Eddie had asked for her blessing.

“Daddy!”

“Christopher,” Eddie greeted warmly, unable to stop himself from scooping Christopher up into his arms as he approached, not caring that his son’s crutches were swinging wildly.

Christopher’s smile could power a small sun, there and then. Before Eddie could say anything, Buck was back at their side, smothering Christopher’s face in kisses while the little boy giggled. “Buck!” Christopher yelped, his laughter turning Eddie’s bones to liquid, it was that beautiful.

“What?” Buck said innocently. “Can't I love on my favourite Diaz boys?”

“You didn’t kiss dad!”

Eddie made a point of sticking his cheek out for Buck to plant a kiss there, enjoying the vaguely disgusted squeal his son let out as Buck turned Eddie’s chin toward him, kissing him square on the lips. The longer his child thought kissing was utterly disgusting, the better, if you asked him.

“Is that better?” Buck inquired, letting Christopher poke at his face.

“I kept it a secret,” Christopher said, voice quiet. “Daddy said he was going to ask you to stay forever, and I kept it a secret – all week!”

Buck beamed, Eddie letting his fiancé scoop Christopher out of his arms, Eddie detaching the swinging crutches from his son’s arms. “I’m so proud of you, little man,” he said. “How about we go and get some cake?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “There’s cake?” he directed his question at Hen, and Chimney, who pointed toward the table. Sure enough, right in the centre of the table, there was a cake, two caricature firemen in the middle of it, one of them holding up a comically large engagement ring.

‘ _He said yes_!’

“Do I want to know what the backup no cake looked like?” Eddie questioned, Hen giving him a funny look in response.

“We didn’t have a backup cake,” Hen said, shaking her head. “None of us doubted he’d say yes.”

Eddie glanced across the room to where Buck was standing, Christopher on his hip, as he spoke to Carla and Maddie, the two women pawing at the ring on his finger, their excited conversation drifting across the busy firehouse.

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled to himself, lifting his beer to his mouth, certainty settling right down to his bones. Deep down, he’d never doubted that Buck was going to say yes – how could he, when Buck had always had his back? “Neither did I.”

**mission: completed**

Buck’s enthusiasm was absolutely endearing, Eddie decided, watching as his fiancé browsed the pile of rings in front of him. He was glad he hadn’t bought them matching rings, in the end, enjoying the way Buck was taking this choice oh-so seriously far too much.

“This one!” Buck declared, beaming, holding the ring out for Eddie to look at. It wasn’t too dissimilar to the ring Eddie had picked out for Buck, clearly platinum as well, but it had a stripe of black running through the centre.

“It’s polished black titanium,” the cashier explained. “It’s a great choice.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at Buck, holding out a hand for his fiancé to slip the ring on him. It didn’t fit quite perfectly, a little on the small side, catching halfway down his finger, but the cashier was quick to reassure they had the right size in stock, rushing into the back before either of them could say anything.

She came back brandishing the correct size ring, and Eddie couldn’t help the way his breath hitched in his throat as Buck eased the ring down over his knuckles until it was resting on Eddie’s finger.

“So?” Buck asked, eager.

Eddie flexed his hand a couple of times, getting used to the feeling of a ring being there. “It’s perfect, Evan,” he reassured, accepting the gentle kiss Buck offered before his fiancé launched into a half dozen questions about silicone rings, Eddie not caring all that much, murmuring the correct affirmative words when Buck picked out two simple black silicone rings for them to wear at work.

Buck had all but shoved him out of the way when the cashier had rang up their purchases, Eddie on the verge of horrified when he caught a glimpse of the price tag on the ring he was now all-too-comfortably wearing.

“Evan, no – “

Buck elbowed him, handing his credit card to the cashier. “Men, right?” he joked, the cashier laughing at his antics as he paid for the rings, thanking her before they stepped out into the early afternoon sunshine, Buck dragging Eddie along with him.

They walked in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Eddie piped up, a wicked grin on his face as the realisation hit him. “You know,” he said. “I seem to remember us making a bet, a couple of months ago, about who was going to propose first.”

Buck’s face didn’t give anything away. “Oh, did we now?”

“Mhm,” Eddie confirmed, holding tightly to Buck’s hand, making sure to drag the new metal of his engagement ring along his fiancé’s palm. “I also seem to remember us not deciding on what the winner gets.”

Buck paused, his voice practically a drawl as he replied, eyes twinkling. “Oh, Eddie,” he said, as if it was obvious. “You know you can have whatever you want from me.”

**fin.**


End file.
